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#1
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Zombie!?!?
ch.1 Revival
it was night around 11:00 pm "augh ****it that kid got lucky i am goin to ****ing kill that *******" pein said "just shut up. **** kakuzu's threads aren't around here hmmm." "shut up! and just put me back together!!" pein said "youre lucky i dug you out of this hole" "shut the hell up i bet the leaf ninjas took his thread!" pein said "im going to get it from the leaf" "what the hell youre an akatsuki ninja the village will rip you apart you cannot take on a whole village!" pein "said just shut up ill be back tommorow" *pein disapperared* tsunade thinking "hmm this is gonna be a problem when naruto finds out jiraiya is dead" *naruto bursts into the room* "hey grandma tsunade! weres pervy sage i need to train!!!" tsunade *sighed* "naruto im sorry i dont know how to tell you this but......" naruto says "what????" tsunade replys "jiraiya ....is dead...." naruto yells "hahaha thats a good one but seriousley were is he?" tsunade said " i wish this was a joke but he was killed by and akatsuki member" naruto ".....so youre not joking.." tsunade says "im afraid not" a jonin burst threw the window and yells "lord hokage! there is a unknown akatsuki member he stole kakuzu's thread!" naruto started to cry and yelled "IM GOING TO RIP THE AKATSUKI APART!!!" the fox's chakra started to surround him and he jumped out the window and he saw pein. naruto started to chase him and yelled " ARE YOU THE ONE THAT KILLED JIRAIYA -SENSEI-!" pein replyed saying "i do not have to answer to you but youre the nine-tailed jinchuriki......but ill deal with you later!" pein dissapeared naruto screamed "IM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" pein appears back to the area before and he said "ok then ...hidan ill attach your body back together" hidan yelled 'its about ****ING time!" tell me what you think. |
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#2
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wtf lol its not bad just...needs some improvements post next ch. soon
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#3
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Caps and Punctuation are your friends.
So are actual paragraphs, I like the story though! I've been wondering why Pein didn't do that anyways, but then I realized Pein is a Buthole! |
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