Permanent Platoons (a alternate Naruto story)

[vjolley2!]

New Story!!!:d

[vjolley2!]

will post intro soon

[vjolley2!]

Permanent Platoons
Intro



Our story begins in a large stone building with the name "Uzumaki" in light blue on the large wooden doors. Right next to the entrance to the village.
Where two brothers were sitting and playing. Naruto the youngest had striking blue eyes and blond hair.
And his older brother Nagato had sharp red eyes and bright red hair.
Their father was Minato Namikaze he had many other titles such as The Fourth Hokage which means the village leader and "Konaha's Yellow Flash". The second one he got because of a jutsu he developed that allows him to teleport to any place he wants to go to. Naruto inherited his blue eyes and blond hair.
Their mother was named Kushina Uzumaki. She was a ninja who moved to konaha from the village hidden in the whirlpool. She was very skilled in ninjutsu. Nagato inherited her red hair and eyes.




Coming Soon Chapter 1 "Separation"!!!

[Ninja]

You have great spelling and such except for "inherited". Other than that it's an...OK start at the maximum. What I recommend you should do is space out all of the descriptions; it looks like you just fit in everyone's description into one paragraph.

Descriptions of different characters belong in different paragraphs. Other than that, you need some more description of the surroundings.

I'm not rating it yet.

[vjolley2!]

sure ill fix it l8ter i got homework

[vjolley2!]

i fixed it

[vjolley2!]

Permanent Platoons
Chapter 2
"Separation"


Nagato was playing with naruto and all of a sudden there was a loud scream and 9 consecutive earthquakes that almost felt like thumps. Their father who was supervising flickered out of existance soon to appear somewhere else.
The boys fled under the bed thinking that their father was playing a game of Hide-and-Seek. Soon enough he was back as fast as he had left,but something was different.HIS FACE!!!His face was alarmed and deathly with a single drop of blood on his nose.He than started looking around franticly making a mess of their room ,shouting,"Naruto,Nagato WHERE ARE YOU!!!"
Them still queitly playing silently giggled. The Fourth now looking afraid ran out of the room yelling for his 9 month pregnant wife kushina. After searching the whole Uzumaki clan residence he found her in the master bedroom sleeping peacefully.He ran over to her and shook her awake. Kushina suddenly awakend asked what was wrong. Her husband said that the demonic 9 tailed fox spirit was attacking the village and that the malicious Madara Uchiha was behind the whole thing.
He quickly added that he needed all jonin and higher ranks to try and fight it off. Kushina nodded and ran into the closet to get geared up. She now fully awake suddenly stopped. She stuck her head out of the door and asked,"WHERE ARE THE BOYS?"
Minato remembering that he had forgotten something said,"I thought you had them?!?"
Kushina immeadiately fainted. Minato being hokage gently put her back in bed and left to help his troops.



***3 Hours Later ***

Kushina just waking up quickly started looking for Nagato and Naruto. Finally she looked everywhere except the basement. Naruto and Nagato now hiding in the robe closet were getting bored. They ran around the residence locking all the doors including the basement. Than they went back to to the closet. Kushina now scared to death was trying to get out of the basement. Being the worst time for it, her water broke. 30 minutes later she was still in the basement but now holding her nameless newborn son in a bath towel.




Coming Soon Chapter 2 "Death"

[vjolley2!]

im not posting anything unless more people like it



ps ido have more chapters redy