A Rose Dipped in Poison (sasuke x sakura poem)

[Hinata fan13]

Yeah, i've typed a few poems lately (as surprising as it sounds ), I just wanted to see if i get a lot of responses and what not.

...and if people like it...then i'll post a few more...

(uh, i'm not sure if poems are allowed or not...so if this is un-allowed, just let me know, thanks)

This poem is pretty dark. (i'm just warning you ahead of time)

Oh, and sorry i haven't posted a fanfic in foorrrrrreeeevvvvvveeeerrrrr...i just didn't feel like it at the time

...here it is...

...(the only reason i said this was sasukexsakura was because i didnt' want people saying this was off topic)

A Rose Dipped in Poison

A beautiful red rose sparkles in the sun
Losing its vibrant red petals one by one
As they fall to the ground we see
That the rose wasn’t so sweet

The rose was stained with a violet poison
As it drips from the withering petals
This beautiful flower of romance
Slowly dies as it’s grasped by the devil

The last of the pedals fall to the ground
As the sun begins to fade
The only question we think of now is
Why was this rose ever made?

My heart is covered by a veil of poison as well
As this story comes to a close
But I desperately hope
My fate isn’t the same as the rose

...
..
...

Sorry if it was short / or if it sucked.

And again, sorry i hadn't been typing fanfics lately...

[Ninja]

Very...uh...pleasant poem, Hinata (it's Hand of Judgement here ) The only problem I have with is the rhyming with lines 5-8, I found that it didn't really rhyme, but it was good nonetheless.

Oh, and I've discovered that the mods don't really care if we post original forms of poems/lyrics/stories, so just putting up "sasuke x sakura" was unneeded.

Anyways, it didn't suck, but the rhyming with "pedals" and "devil" is almost all right. Devil just needs to be plural and it'll rhyme.

And this story didn't really strike me as "dark", but oh well.

[Hinata fan13]

Originally Posted by Ninja

Very...uh...pleasant poem, Hinata (it's Hand of Judgement here ) The only problem I have with is the rhyming with lines 5-8, I found that it didn't really rhyme, but it was good nonetheless.

Oh, and I've discovered that the mods don't really care if we post original forms of poems/lyrics/stories, so just putting up "sasuke x sakura" was unneeded.

Anyways, it didn't suck, but the rhyming with "pedals" and "devil" is almost all right. Devil just needs to be plural and it'll rhyme.

And this story didn't really strike me as "dark", but oh well.

Hi Hand of Judgement...(why is your screename "Ninja"? Just wondering...)

...well...i thuoght "pedals" adnd "devil" rhymed when i typed it, thanks for pointing that out.

Oh, and thanks for saying that it didn't suck

[Ninja]

Originally Posted by Hinata fan13

Hi Hand of Judgement...(why is your screename "Ninja"? Just wondering...)

...well...i thuoght "pedals" adnd "devil" rhymed when i typed it, thanks for pointing that out.

Oh, and thanks for saying that it didn't suck

My screename is "Ninja" because my brother made it and he was using the same computer as I was, so I just used his since he never logged out :P

And I found another mistakes It's not "pedals" it's "petals"

And you're welcome.

[Lil Hinata]

Awesome poem, Hinata! I loved it ^^ And it sorta does go with SakuSasu. Good job ^^

~Lil Hinata-Chan

[spindori]

It was good. Just so you get it right, a poem doesn't need to rhyme. It just needs to flow. In fact, the rhyming was too thought out, and kinda threw me away. It was still good, and I gave it an 8/10! Keep at it.

[Hinata fan13]

Originally Posted by Lil Hinata

Awesome poem, Hinata! I loved it ^^ And it sorta does go with SakuSasu. Good job ^^

~Lil Hinata-Chan

Originally Posted by spindori

It was good. Just so you get it right, a poem doesn't need to rhyme. It just needs to flow. In fact, the rhyming was too thought out, and kinda threw me away. It was still good, and I gave it an 8/10! Keep at it.

thanks, and thanks.

[Aria Illiria]

It reminds me of a fanfiction I had written once... I think it was about Itachi's daughter, finding out that he is a heartless person, or in essence, who he really is.

Anyway, very nice poem. Do you think I can download it?
If you want, I can give you poem of my own, or some fan-fiction if you want it.