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this fic is very strange though (i don't wanna say i enjoy reading this) i think is a great fic. I can't stop reading it you need to post more!!!
9/10 i won't say it's perfect because it's not
Some people always feel a comfort feeling when others are around them. Some people feel total emptiness when others aren't around them. Some people only feel the affection in love in one person, just one particular person, causing them to loose their relationship with others. So, once the person they love is away...they feel lonliness.
Gokiburi continued to follow the smoke, which started to cover the skies, after a while. The haze covered everyone faces, so it was hard to find out who was who. Gokiburi coughed harshly as he started to examine the area. Who is that...? Gokiburi thought. A girl with her hair tied into a ponytail, stared down at Gokiburi. "I can't see..." Gokiburi said. At last, he bumped into the girl, who just grabbed him by his wrist. A meek, yet faint smile appeared onto her face, as she whispered the words,"Hostage, eh," into Gokiburi's ear.
"Didn't you know this smoke was just a trap..., eh? I knew somebody was going to check it out..., eh" the female's voice spoke in a deep, but femine voice.
"No, ma'am..." Gokiburi replied. "I was trying to help..." It felt if the haze was going into his head, making him feel dizzy, and weak. The smoke then disappeared, only to reveal an abandon building. His sight was blur as he stared at the building. "I thought it was real..." Gokiburi finally passed out, into the female's arms.
Arashi looked at Inuji, who still had a proud look on his face. The wind blew onto Inuji's soft brunette hair, as he started to gloat about his victory. Arashi had the look of envy on her face, which wasn't a good feeling. "I made you win..." Arashi repeated, after each gloat.
"Now, Arashi, there's no reason to feel jealous," Ame said. "Besides, do you want to see my umbrella trick?!? I seriously haven't used this old thing in years!" Ame said.
"Ame-sensei, I can't see it anyways." Inuji commented. "Acutally, I can't see anything." Ame sighed, and looked at Arashi.
"Have you seen Gokiburi...? I thought he'll be coming back..." Ame asked. Arashi shook her head, and stood up.
"Well, Ame-sensei, I'm leaving...," Arashi said. She left Ame and Inuji by themselves.
"Same," Inuji said. He left Ame, leaving Ame, by herself. Ame sat down on a rock, and looked up at the sky.
"Sarumaru-chan..." Ame said to herself. "Where are you? I've been lonely without you..." Ame looked at the picture of Sarumaru in her locket, which she always carried along with her, just to remeber her fiance.
"Sarumaru-chan..." Ame said. She wrapped her arms around Sarumaru's waist, waiting for his next response. Ame was happy, since she was getting engage to the boy she always loved, since she was a child. Her black hair consently got in her face, but she didn't care. Her love for Sarumaru was in the way of reality. "Sarumaru-chan...?" Ame repeated.
"Ame-kun, I'm leaving Konohagakure...," Sarumaru said. Ame thought he was joking, since he always tried to pulled a prank on her. Sarumaru looked at Ame, with a stern look, and Ame took it serious.
"Sarumaru-chan, why are you leaving?" Ame asked. Sarumaru shook his head.
"You know, I moved here, right?" Sarumaru said. Ame nodded. "Well, I have to move again..."
"Why, Sarumaru-chan? Can I go with you? I'm lonely here by myself..." Ame said. Ame's arms was still around his waist, still waiting to get the next response.
"Ame-kun, I have buisness to do," Sarumaru replied. He kissed her on top of her forehead. "I'll be back..."
"Sarumaru-chan, what about if you're not back? What if you'll never return? What if you're killed? What i--"
"What if we hope none of that stuff happens..." Sarumaru said. Ame took her hands off his waist, and stared up at him. "I had a nice time with you, Ame-kun." Ame's face had a surpised expression on her face.
"That's it, Sarumaru-chan?!?" Ame asked. "That's all you're going to tell me?!?"
"I'll miss you...I also love you, too," Sarumaru said. He placed a locket into her hands, and Ame clentched onto it. Ame hugged Sarumaru once more, and smiled.
"Come back...I don't want to feel lonely Sarumaru-chan," Ame said. "Promise?"
"Promise," Sarumaru replied. He gave Ame one last kiss, and walked away, leaving Konohagakure and a lonely girl behind. Sarumaru didn't give much information where he was going, but Ame always waited, each Friday in the same spot, waiting for him to come back. After six years, he still haven't came back, but Ame never gave up hope.
Gokiburi finally opened one of his eyes, still confused where he was. Then, he opened his other eye, and saw a bit more. He was in cell, being held hostage. He felt bruises on his skin, probably when the slammed him onto the cold floor. "...Where am I?" Gokiburi asked. The female stared at him, and smiled.
"Village Hidden the Clouds, eh. It didn't take too long, child, eh," she answered. "I had my own ways of getting here...anyways...do you want to know why you're here, eh?" Gokiburi nodded weakly.
"Hostage. Rokudaime. Need to say more, eh? I want to kill the Rokudaime, eh." she replied. "That blonde-haired kid, Uzumaki Naruto..., eh."
"What does that have to do with me...?" Gokiburi said.
"Well, Rokudaime, is probably going to send a team to find you...I hold 'em hostage, too. Then, eventually, the Rokudaime will come, eh." Gokiburi shook his head, and stared at the female.
"No, that won't probably happen...I would escape." Gokiburi said. He felt the bruises, which started to ache.
"Not if we treat those wounds...they would become affective one day, eh..." the female said. She walked away, with smirk on her face. Gokiburi poked the wound, which was on his chest. The blood was all over his clothes, but he didn't mind.
"Have a postive atittude..." Gokiburi said. "Never have a negative one..." Gokiburi looked up at the cell's ceiling, which was leaking with water. Each droplet fell onto his head. The first person to come in his head, besides the mysterious female, was Arashi Hime. Each time he gets closer to her, she develops more affection for her. Was this love he was feeling? He doubt it, though. His next though was to escape some how...maybe when he sees the keys, he can make a quick exit.
"Kyoko-chan," another voice of a female said. "I think I know him..."
"So, her name is Kyoko..." Gokiburi said, trying to remeber the name.
"Know who, eh?" Kyoko asked. "He's quite gul--"
"Aburame Gokiburi. He's in the group with my younger brother...we should kill him." Gokiburi continued to eavesdrop, trying to get important information.
"Ah, yes, eh," Kyoko recalled. "How can I ever forget Akiko-san, eh?" Gokiburi remebered the name,"Akiko," but he didn't remeber the face.
Last edited by Honorable Ninja : 02-01-2007 at 08:20 PM.
In this chapter, I'm going to introduce the other genin.
(In this part, we introduce the other six genin)
"I can't wait any longer, Konekoko-chan..." Nara Aijou complained. "I would rather kill myself than to wait for Takashi-sensei to return...God, do I hate my life..."
"Get over it." Toru Konekoko replied while stroking her cat, Makura. "What makes your life so depressing, Aijou-san?" Aijou looked directly at Konekoko, with an emotionless expression on his face.
"Well....my sister is a sucessful chunin, very strong, whatever. My parents for some reason, always give all the attention to her. She's always cheery, if she was like a prep. No, I'm not jealous...I don't really like attention, it's too troublesome. Like my father, I'm not motivated at all...it's not like I care. I also hate my intelligence. I'm stuck here with a bunch of dim-witted genin, and an alcoholic for a sensei, no offense to yu guys, whatever. People are always treating me different, just because I'm depressed. They're trying to make me happier, but it doesn't work. On top of that, I even suck. Like I said,'God, do I hate my life...'" Aijou explained.
"That's not really a reason," Akimichi Niku said.
"Shut up," Aijou said. "There's a reason for everything. There's a reason why people hate others, or themselves. Ta--"
"Aijou," Niku interrupted. "There is a place where you can get the help you need...talk to a parent, or someone." Niku had a small smile on her face, and Aijou just sighed, and open his mouth to begin his story.
"I never once smiled...I never once felt joy...I never once felt happy for others...and, there is also a reason for that, I just haven't figured that out, either." Aijou leaned agaisnt the wall and looked down at the ground. "Tch, my life does suck." Aijou sighed deeply and looked Konekoko.
"I think I might understand, Aijou-san," Konekoko said. "...Where is Takashi-sensei, anyways?" Konekoko placed her Makura back onto the ground, keeping a close eye on her. The thoughts of Aijou roamed her mind, and despite having a name that means love, he really didn't feel any at all. Konekoko always wondered if he felt love for another, but it wasn't true, since he couldn't even love himself.
"Dammit, Aiji," Niku said. "I really hate you..." Niku smiled and looked at Aiji. In a tree which was a distance away from the group of genin, was watching their conversation was their sensei. The answer why Aijou was always depressed was finally answered, and Takashi was satisfied. In his hands was a bottle of sake, which was alreadt half empty, or full.
"So, Konekoko, I always wonder...who's stronger?" Niku asked. She looked up at Makura, then at Konekoko. A curious look displayed on Niku's face, while Konekoko had a confusing expression on her face.
"I am. A cat is never stronger than me." Konekoko gloated with a small amount of pride. "Besides, I'm rumor to be the strongest Toru memeber in my clan." Konekoko looked at Aijou, who was shaking his head.
"No, I mean the Inuzuka clan or the Toru clan," Niku corrected with a faint smile. "I mean, you both look equally strong..." Konekoko placed Makura onto the ground,
"Oh, that question have been asked for ages, Niku," Konekoko explained. "Some say, since dogs have better senses than cats, they are stronger. But, I say, we are both equally the same." Niku nodded, not getting the question she wanted, but she accepted anyways.
"You both suck. The Inuzuka and Toru clan IS the definition of horrible," Aijiu rudely commented. He took out a lighter, and looked at both Niku and Konekoko. Aiji then took out a cigarette from his pocket, and gave his teammates a serious look.
"Aren't you little too young to smoke...?" Niku asked. Aijou shrugged, and placed the cigarette in a certain position, make it dangle.
"My father develop this habit," Aijou simply answered. "It doesn't matter to me anyways." He lit the cigarette in his pocket, and his teammates watched as the smoke went up into the air. "Once again, if Takashi is able to drink, and I'm able to smoke."
"Aiji..." Niku said under her breath. Without another word, both of the teammates stood quiet, untill their sensei finally came.
"As you all know, you should think before actions," Uta Senritsu explained. "That's why, we haven't done much physical training." Senritsu finally closed her book, and looking at her students, which was bored. The lengthy book she had been reading, which lasted more than an hour, or two. Senritsu found reading interesting, even though if the book was thick.
"Oh, so, that's why you're weak," Hyuuga Jiyuu remarked. "Explains everything. Also explains why I have to save you a couple of times..." Senritsu sighed, and looked at Jiyuu, with a stern look. "Don't give me that look!" Jiyuu said while covering his face.
"You never once save me," Senritsu replied. "I saved you mutiple times, Jiyuu. You shouldn't be the one talking because, you're the person who is holding this group back." Jiyuu shrugged, and started to snicker. His pale lavender eyes looked away from Senritsu, as he started to murmur some words about his sensei.
"S-sen...sei, wha-wha..at abo-about the t-time..." Uchiha Eiyuu stopped at the middle of her sentence, and started to blush. Eiyuu obviously had a hard time talking, even to herself. Senritsu looked at Eiyuu, and sat at the empty chair, which was next to her. Eiyuu looked at the ground, and started to twitched her eyes repeatly. Senritsu was told that Eiyuu was,"special," in her own ways, and Senritsu took that into consideration.
"Can I say something, Senritsu?" asked Yamanaka Akira.
"Yes, you can," Senritsu said, while trying to remind Akira the proper way to ask for something.
"I know I can," Akira replied, with a sneer. "Anyways, I want to know why is mental skill important? Yes, I know, because intelligence is the way of life, but why? Why, is that, so? I mean, what if---"
"No. Not really. If use both brawns and brains together, you'll just do fine," Senritsu interrupeted, trying to stop Akira from talking, even though it was rude. Senritsu took a old book off from the shelf, and hand it to Akira, hoping that he would like the book. "Read this." Senritsu demanded, with another stern look on her face.
"I hate reading," Akira said while giving the old book to Eiyuu. "And, Eiyuu loves to read. You two should seriously be friends, you know what I'm saying right? Because, you basically like the same thing, and you guys can start a book, giving me half of the profit, for giving you this idea...it can be a best-seller, and everyone can read the book you made...I'll call i--"
"That's a good idea Akira, but you should shut up right now," Senritsu interrupted once more. Jiyuu smiled, once more.
"Ha, she told you to shut up before she told me," Jiyuu said. He looked at Eiyuu, and studied her eyes for a while. "Sharingan! Have you got the sharingan-thing...?!?" Eiyuu shrugged, and looked up at the ceiling.
"Y-y..ye-yes," Eiyuu replied. A small smile appeared on her face.
"But, the byakugan is better than the sharingan, though!" Jiyuu teased. "I can't wait to see who wins when we fight one day, Eiyuu."
"Stop pressuring her," Akira said. Senritsu looked at her students, with a weak smile.
Atleast they're concerned about each other... Senritsu thought.
I'm not sure about your decision to add the smoking scene, but the multiple original characters are always a good thing to see. This one is an 8/10.