a true legacy

[Dark Madara Uchiha]

prolouge: sasuke locked in battle with madara hoping only to kill him, his thoughts to do what itachi truly wanted itachi knew he couldnt defeat madara but before he died he gave sasuke his power thier power together surely was enough to trump even madara himself

[SharinganSasuke2]

may be good should keep going

[Dark Madara Uchiha]

prolouge: sasuke locked in battle with madara hoping only to kill him, his thoughts to do what itachi truly wanted itachi knew he couldnt defeat madara but before he died he gave sasuke his power thier power together surely was enough to trump even madara himself.
“you shouldn’t have come sasuke.” madara sneered, “ eventually my dream my come to life sasuke” he continued “ you see I’m dying as you could imagine, I’m very old but there once was something immortal ……..the ten tailed beast ridiculous I know but all the tailed beast form this monstrous creature and I plan to seal it in me and become immortal.”

TO BE COUNTINUED (SUBJECT TO CHANGE)

GIVE FEEDBACK BE CRITICAL

[Sharingan_Warrior5693]

Ok you want critical then you got critical. Your grammar is horrible and I can't tell where one sentence ends and the others begin. Your punctuation could use some wrok and normally when writting you start a new paragraph when the speaker or the idea changes. The prolouge could be better as it just starts in with Sasuke fighting and it doesn't set it up at all. There is no descriptions what-so-ever and it leaves it open to many question. Why are the fighting? When are the fighting? Where are they fighting? What other events from the Naruto world are going on in your story? Also the idea itself is a very basic one. Your prolouge should get the readers attention and make them want to read more. As for yours the plot is preaty basic with no main hook and the grammar is so bad it turns away many potential readers. Don't take this critque the wrong way just learn from what I said and improve and hey at least you didn't have Xavon rate your FF...that would have been suicide.

[Pain11]

not very good. He is already immortal, and he isn't even a physical form really. He is a space/time shell thingy.

[Dark Madara Uchiha]

thnx for the feedback